“Are you done?” That question for a long time has been a loaded one here at the bungaree place. B looks at me, I smile and look at him and whoever is asking it is trying to figure out what exactly the inside joke is. Yes, I am referring to the question, ” Are you done?” as in “are you done having children?”. It has been one of controversy…but no more, at least not for now.
We have been praying about it, thinking about it, talking about it and up until several days ago it was still a debate when brought up. But then something changed, in both of us at the same time and yet separately God was working on us. I recently have been praying for a peace about NOT having more kids and I felt like God gave me that peace, so when it all changed I was a little surprised. The most surprising thing is not that he told me, but that he communicated it clearly to B, as he has been the one who was determined to not have more EVER.
I think it is so funny that whenever we say we will NEVER do that, or this….it almost seems like we have to swallow those words and do it to walk in obedience. I wonder if God uses that as a challenge? haha, I know he doesn’t but that has happened so many times!
So what changed? Well we know for sure we are going to have one more, somehow I feel maybe two more….but we are taking this one step at a time! B and I sat on the couch to talk and so I expressed to him that I really just didn’t feel right about not having any more, he smiled and admitted that God had been telling him the same. Okay, if you have been around B lately, you KNOW that is a miracle. We both agreed that we couldn’t disobey, and that it would only be out of selfishness that we wouldn’t have any more. Personally I don’t feel thrilled about being pregnant again, or having to go to the doctor every two weeks and have them poke and touch me. I don’t want to gain the 50 lbs that I gain with each pregnancy and I don’t want my skin to be stretched out like that ever again. Beyond pregnancy I know what it is like to have babies, they cry, they go through teething, they fight sleep by keeping you up all night….but all those things are so selfish. And we are not called to walk in selfishness….ever.
That we can limit his blessing by what we allow into our lives, for us right now it is about kids but there are so many things that fit into this category, is a gift and a curse. We could do that so easily, by not listening and closing our eyes, but are we really done being blessed by God with children? We can ignore, but we’d be missing his best for us.
Disclaimer: This is for us, and only us. God has given this burden to our family and it does not mean it is wrong to have one, two, or ten…this is a personal thing that I wanted to share with you, not some conviction that I feel you should share too.