Our family got to spend the last 10 days in Trout Lake, Washington. We spent Christmas and New Years with loved ones there. They blessed us with letting us ride their snowmobiles days on end: speed, beauty, and the depths of love and relationship. For a few days I rested in just being with those I love. The night we left the home of these friends-made-family, in the dark as we drove home warm tears dropped from my eyes. While leaving the life we love behind hurts so bad, He is never less than enough.
I had breakfast with one of my sweetest friends this morning, she asked me how support raising was going. My eyes welled up with tears right there. She encouraged me to write about the hard things, the pain as well as the miracle of God’s provision. Support raising is going amazing, God is shattering all our expectations and pouring out so that we can go serve those He is calling us to in Soddo, Ethiopia- but my heart is so heavy, so heavy. Only in Him can I shake it, so when obedience hurts, I will lean into Him and rise to joy.
Lately with my best loved people it has been the hardest that all the plans for our future and theirs are made with with us an ocean and two full continents away. In my weakness, I fear the all too familiar out-of-sight-out-of- mind scenario. But fears are not filled with faith. I need the father to meet this pain and make it, as he loves to do into something beautiful, as I pour out He is such a good giver and will meet my every sorrow in the abundance of His love.
While this ripping open of my heart is what I feel right now, I see the incredible provision Abba is bringing and I am humbled, He is going to use every bit of this and create beauty in me and in those around me. I am not alone, not ever.